Sharktopus vs Pteracuda (2014) #SharkWeak Review

SyFy movie! Some fun, all gimmicks

Two creature ideas go round having fights
Round having fights, round having fights
Two creature ideas go round having fights
Round having fights, round having fights

Guess who’s back? Back again?
Sharktopus! Tell a friend
Guess who’s back? guess who’s back?
Guess who’s back? guess who’s back?

They created a monster, ‘cause nobody wants ta
See just sharks no more, they want monsters and chummed liver
Well, if you want monsters, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of fish mixed with a fossil flyer
Some blood squibs that’ll jump start your heart quicker
Than the sharktopus egg sac escaping from the first movie
And drifting out and hatching in the open sea
And ending up in a theme park – captivity (heyyy!)
You waited this long, now stop debating
‘Cause the Navy’s back, and they’ve been creating
I know that they used a barracuda
But the ‘dactyl DNA’s complicating
So the control implant won’t let him be
Or let him be free, so let me see
They try to shut it down but he breaks free
And flies off on a killing spree
So, eat peeps on the beach and some in the surf
Fuck that! Conan dies, causing much mirth
And get ready, ‘cause this shit’s about to get heavy
It’s Sharktopus v Pteracuda, for king of the sea!

Now this is a Shark Weak movie
And if you’ve been following me
You’ll know we need a little controversy
‘Cause it goes so well with gore and cheese
But this movie is a little bit twee
I said this is just a fair movie
Kind of sets up for movie three!
But it lacks a bit of creativity

Little hellions, monsters feeling rebellious
Embarrassing special effects undermine this
The cast feeling like prisoners helpless
‘Til someone comes along on a mission and yells, “Cut!!!”
Roger Corman, his vision is scary
Won’t start a revolution, or be ruling the airwaves
It’s silly, so just let me revel and bask
In the fact that I got to watch all these back to back
Movie disasters, such a catastrophe
For you to read so damn much of my thoughts on these?
We’re not done, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no
Fix your wifi connection log it in, and then I’m gonna
Fill it in, and up your browser like a splinter
Making you afraid to get back in the water
It’s interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your news feed and nesting
Testing, attention, pause
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions “Jaws”
That’s my ten cents, Shark Weak is free
Sharktopus vs Pteracuda look cartoony.

Now this is a Shark Weak movie
And if you’ve been following me
You’ll know how many I’ve had to see
‘Cause I will suffer to keep you free
But this movie isn’t all it could be
Production values are a little shoddy
Casting lacks a starring name or three
And, at least for now, that’s all from me.

3/10 

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One thought on “Sharktopus vs Pteracuda (2014) #SharkWeak Review

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